10 Reasons Why Orochimaru Is a Pedophile
by 1Tokyogirl11
Summary: Everyone knows it-they believe it. They just need evidence to prove-THAT OROCHIMARU IS A PEDOPHILE! Crack-fic/Parody/spoilers/CRACK-FIC! PARODY! I DO NOT REALLY THINK OROCHIMARU IS A PEDOPHILE, THIS WAS JUST SOMETHING I HAD TO WRITE ON A DARE
1. Victims: Anko and Itachi

**A/N: Okay, 10 Short Stories on how Orochimaru is a Pedophile. They will be divided into 5 chapters, 2 stories each ;)**

**No offense against my good friend Orochi anything but I got this idea in my head and it wouldn't get out so I wrote this xP**

**I KIND OF TWISTED THE NARUTO ANIME EPISODES/MANGA CHAPTERS SO BEWARE! xD**

**SPOILER WARNING!: For Naruto anime episode where Anko, Naruto, Ino and Shino go to an island where Anko used to be held captive by Orochimaru after he gave her the Curse Mark.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO! …BUT I PWN HIM! xD**

* * *

**10 REASONS WHY OROCHIMARU IS A PEDO**

**Reason 1:**

**RAPE!**

Anko was running away from her 'sensei', who was chasing her in the woods with his freaky-long snakes. Sweat dripped down her forehead, her necklace hitting her collarbone.

"No! Don't chase me!" She sprinted as fast as she could without tripping over anything.

"_Aaaaaaaan-kooooo, Dearie, don't run awaaaaaay from me_," Orochimaru hissed while his snakes were trying to catch Anko.

"Aaaiieeeeeeeeeeeee!" Orochimaru had caught Anko and was bringing her to a…warehouse with a door block?

He bit her neck for the curse mark, and then raped her.

Anko rolled frantically, screamed and sweated on the cold cement floor of the warehouse, scarred for life, paralyzed into one position.

A few days later, Orochimaru came back with a green-haired doctor, and Orochimaru whispered into her ear,

"Since you weren't strong enough, I guess I'll just have to go find someone else. To rape"

Anko's thoughts were, _"Oh, shit."_

_

* * *

_

**A/N: Alright, xD NEXT ONE! Not really any spoilers here, except for when Deidara and Sasori are talking in the Anime.**

**Reason 2:**

**Orochimaru wants Itachi**

Deidara and Sasori were talking. Not fighting about art, but something much more disturbing.

"The main reason Orochimaru left is because Itachi refused him."

"True, Sasori-Danna, yeah."

**A few weeks ago**

"Itachi-iii-kuuuun" Orochimaru licked his lips. Itachi had a de-lish body.

Itachi looked at Orochimaru. "What."

"Can I haaaave your body?" The snake man slithered around on the floor.

"No." Itachi replied stoically. "And stop trying to look up my robe."

And so Orochimaru fled and broke away from the Akatsuki, wanting an Uchiha really badly. So he settled for Sasuke.

My my, what a pedo indeed.

* * *

**A/N: xD LOL, LOL, LOL NEXT CHAPTER COMES OUT SOON!**


	2. Sasuke Finds Something

**A/N: hahaaa, I just love how people flame me on how I portrayed Orochimaru. xDD Your flames actually crack me up.**

**NOTE TO ALL- Just to let you know, the Anko part is ACTUALLY A REAL NARUTO EPISODE! If you don't believe me, you can go Google it or something. Okay, he doesn't really rape her, but he gives her the curse mark after chasing her and she does do the rolling-around-on-the-floor thing.**

* * *

**I will reply to ALL FLAMES, and in the story too. And in case you haven't read any of my other fics, this one was just one that I had in my mind, and I was wondering how people would react to it.**

**Sapphire-sama Dreamer- just tah let u kno- u said "only a hardcore religious person couldn't see that Orochimaru is the ideal man for sex who cares if its raped his tongue can cause more pleasure than you need in a lifetime" Are you calling **_**me**_** a hardcore religious person? I don't even have a religion, I'm atheist. xD**

**You didn't read the summary, did you? It says, "**_**CRACK-FIC!**__**PARODY! I DO NOT REALLY THINK OROCHIMARU IS A PEDOPHILE, THIS WAS JUST SOMETHING I HAD TO WRITE ON A DARE."**_

**Deidara doesn't bring kids into his hideout and doesn't go around experimenting on bodies, so of course no one thinks Deidara is a pedophile. I was just building stories on top of evidence. :P**

**Amy- Sigh. I don't want to write something long, so you can just read number 2 for Sapphire-sama. And, remember, Anko was his student. Wouldn't you be at least a bit frightened/creeped out if your 40-year-old/50-year-old teacher THAT YOU RESPECTED started hitting on you?**

**Okay, now that I've finished back-firing the flame, ON WITH THE STORY!

* * *

**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Michael Jackson- R.I.P. him D;

* * *

**

**Reason 3**

**Sasuke Discovers Something

* * *

**

Sasuke is looking for a forbidden spells book, while he stumbles upon something.

He took the book out from the shelf, and read the cover. "6093…_**Sex Positions**_?" He nearly had a heart attack right then and there.

"Sasssuuuke. I see you've found my book." Sasuke was now officially creeped out, although he didn't show it. Orochimaru was licking his ear. "Yeah…I did."

"Soooo. Do you want to play?"

"Is it a killing game?"

"No, it's a sex game."

"No, I am not participating in your all-out orgies with deformed monsters."

"Awww. Why not?"

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Don't make me call my brother."

"You have a brother?"

"Yup, Michael Jackson."

"WHAT!"

"The one and only."

"No wonder they're so alike…" Sasuke mumbled under his breath.

* * *

**A/N: Next one! This is a preview of the next chapter.**

_**Reason 4**  
_

_**Kabuto is his loyal servant. For life. And death. And sex.**_

"_**Orochimaru-sama!" Kabuto came running down the hall, with supplies in his hand.**_

"_**Yess, Kabu?" **_

"_**Let's PLAY!"**_


End file.
